Category: Funny

A modest proposal for a “Racing Car Ban”

Imagine, if you will, a politician’s press conference transcript, reproduced below

In light of recent tragic street racing deaths caused by youths recreating closed circuit road racing in street-legal cars that look like NASCAR vehicles, I have a modest proposal that we ban these cars that are similar to cars of racing.

A car should be considered a “racing car” if it meets the below-listed criteria:

A 4-seat car with an automatic transmission and the ability to be refueled from a portable tank and has at least 2 of the following:

  1. A driver’s seat that adjusts in height or can be moved forward and back on rails
  2. A shift level mounted in the center console
  3. A “Bull bumper” or a “ramplate”
  4. A 2″ or greater exhaust pipe or a muffler designed to accommodate a 2″ or greater exhaust pipe
  5. A weapon mount

A 2-seat car with an automatic transmission and the ability to be refueled from a portable tank and has at least 2 of the following:

  1. A fuel fill port behind the license plate
  2. A muffler capable of accepting a 2″ or greater exhaust pipe
  3. A steering wheel grip cover
  4. A manufactured weight of over 5000 lbs with an empty gas tank
  5. A street-legal copy of a track-only vehicle

A SUV with any number of seats that has an automatic transmission and at least 2 of the following:

  1.  A driver’s seat that adjusts in height or can be moved forward and back on rails
  2. A shift lever mounted in the center console
  3. More than a 15-gallon fuel capacity; and
  4. the ability to be refueled from portable containers.

The original

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I Really Hope This Video Was Set Up

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog takes on campus Political Correctness:

My first thought on watching this is was what a bunch of dour, humorless walking bags of vapidity kids today are. I could imagine my grandparents watching this video and the conversation going something like:

“No, I don’t like this. It’s not funny. The dog is crude and uses foul language.”

“Well, Grandmom, it’s a parody. He’s parodying political correctness on campus today. Triumph himself is a parody of the old Borsch Belt comedians.”

“The dog is crude, and swears too much.”

Have we circled back around? Are college kids today going to be more like my grandparents? I know comedy isn’t consistent across generations, and not everything is everyone’s cup of tea, but other than the one bearded guy who was trying not to laugh…. wow. I just really hope he set this up for the crowd to try to play the straight man.

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I’m Having a Hard time Seeing the Problem

Seen floating around the Internets, this map of the east coast if all the ice were to melt because of global warming:

EastCoastGlobalWarming

Of course, I suppose all the people who live there would have to move somewhere.

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Gun Nut Movie Review Disagreement

Caleb watched The Purge so you don’t have to and then reviewed it from a self-defense perspective. However, even though I have not seen the movie, not ever seen a single preview for this movie, and have less experience doing self-defense training with firearms, I know there is something fundamentally wrong in his review.

…if you’re under imminent threat, you get everyone in a central, easily defended location. I would consider the house to be under imminent threat for the entire 12 hours of the Purge, so before the event started, everyone would be ushered into the safe-room/bunker, which would be nicely equipped with cots, video games, food, weapons, and security monitors, and we’d all stay there. For 12 hours. Spending 12 hours with your family is a small price to pay for not getting murdered.

There are plenty of families for whom spending 12 uninterrupted hours together would be a guaranteed recipe for murder. I personally think his advice should have come with a disclaimer on that one.

I was mostly disappointed to learn that movies don’t always teach good self-defense techniques. This means that I might need to reconsider the method learned from my favorite crappy sci-fi flicks: nukes solve everything.

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Favorite Friends of NRA Merchandise

This morning, Friends of NRA posted on their Facebook page that they wanted submissions from supporters to talk about their favorite Friends of NRA product and how they use it.

FNRARequest

You have no idea how tempted I was to jest about the tobacco walking stick that Sebastian won a couple of years ago. I mean, it is a walking stick. No one knew what to think of it, and that’s why Sebastian won it since pretty much no one entered the raffle for it.

But then, I started thinking it could be more fun to come up with creative claimed uses for the branding iron set we won this year. I’m sure that I could make up some stories there that would have the poor staffer choking on their coffee. I can’t tell you how many people picked up the NRA branding iron at gun shows and pretended to brand their significant others, particularly on the backside.*
Continue reading “Favorite Friends of NRA Merchandise”

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