Category: Funny

Illinois Doesn’t Age Discriminate for FOID

I’m a big proponent of introducing our children to the shooting sports, so that they learn to use firearms safely and responsibly, and learn what they are capable of. This is the best way to prevent accidents. But how young do you start? Apparently some people in Illinois have an opinion on this:

My 10-month-old son has the cutest FOID card.

Howard David Ludwig — affectionately nicknamed Bubba — received his state-issued Firearm Owner’s Identification Card two weeks ago.

The wallet-size card arrived in the mail about a month after his dear ol’ dad correctly completed the online form and sent the $5 fee.

As a FOID cardholder, baby Bubba can own a firearm and ammunition in Illinois. He can also legally transport an unloaded weapon — though he can’t walk yet, so that’s not an issue.

The plastic card has a picture of a toothless, grinning Bubba in the upper right corner. It includes his name, address and date of birth.

The FOID card lists his height (2 feet, 3 inches), and his weight (20 pounds).

His signature is superimposed at the bottom of the card. Bubba can’t sign his name, so I simply placed a pen in his hand. He made the scribble.

Now, I think it’s probably a good idea to wait until a child is a wee bit older than this before introducing them to shooting, but I can sympathize with a stay at home dad that develops a curiosity about whether the state would issue his infant son an FIOD card, and the giddy amusement when you find out the answer is yes.

Hey folks, we don’t make the laws, but we reserve the right to laugh at them.

But why would the state police issue a FOID card to anyone younger than 18?

I called the state police, who said they followed the law as it’s written.

“There is nothing in the FOID Act or any of the rules that says anything about age restrictions,” said Lt. Scott Compton, of the Illinois State Police.

The state doesn’t track FOID cards based on age. However, Compton admitted it’s a rare occasion when anyone younger than 18 would need a FOID card. Say a group of 15-year-old boys wants to go hunting rabbits unsupervised. If their parents approve the hunt, then the boys would need FOID cards, Compton said.

I’m not about to approve any unsupervised hunting or trap shooting for Bubba. Still, I’m glad he was able to get his FOID card.

It makes an adorable addition to his baby book.

Pennsylvania doesn’t require licensing for owners, but if I lived in IL, I’d have to be sure to get my kid his very own FOID card. Can’t have Junior getting jealous of the other kids ;)

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Create a Commie

My friend Joy brought something back from Portland that I thought was really amusing. It’s called “Create a Commie”:

http://www.pagunblog.com/blogpics/create-a-commie.jpg

A pinko variation on Wooly Willy. Create your very own commie rat bastard, then shoot him. Well, OK, I haven’t done the last part yet. Don’t want to damage my pink carpet… or is that pinko carpet?

UPDATE: This company needs to get with the times.   I noticed they are missing Hugo Chavez.   For that matter Chavez needs to get some trademark hair style or facial hair so he can distinguish himself from his other role models.

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Gun control, circa 1782

So, I was going through some of my great-great grandfather’s things, and I found this press release that was disseminated to all “Citizens of the Crown in the Colonies” back in the 1700’s.  Needless to say, I was quite surprised to find the Violence Policy Center (back then it was the “Victory Policy Centre) involved.  Enjoy!

Fifty calibre long rifles are an ideal tool for insurrectionists. They are a real and present danger to our forces in the colonies, yet are easily found even in the possession of farmers and other peasants. Fifty calibre long rifles are specifically designed to engage small targets with precise accuracy at ranges unheard of on the battlefield. These precision weapons combine long range and tremendous accuracy to create a weapon that has a range beyond anything that our infantrymen carry. Officers, messengers, cannon crews, even our daring cavalry are vulnerable to accurate fire from these deadly rifles at ranges exceeding 200 yards! The entire infrastructure of the colonies is threatened by these weapons, as they give the insurrectionist the ability to strike individual targets at distances normally reserved for cannon fire. A Citizen of the Crown would be shocked to learn that these “rifles” are so common amongst the colonials, that even small children are well versed in their use. These rifles are specifically designed for great accuracy against fast moving targets at extreme ranges beyond the reach of musket fire. They are “purpose-designed” and “purpose-built” weapons. This terminology is used in colonial literature to describe weapons that are made for a specific, narrow purpose, in this case for long range shooting—highly accurate firing at a target from a significant distance. Musket fire and civilized warfare is conducted at ranges of 50 yards, even our boys fine Brown Bess Musket does not fire accurately beyond that range. 50 yards is less than the distance across Trafalgar Square. These .50 calibre long rifles are accurate at ranges of up to 100 yards, and in the hands of an expert marksman, even 300! At 300 yards, a Colonial marksman could easily pick off our officers, leading to a wholly uncivilized engagement of infantry just “having it out” on the battlefield. 50 calibre rounds are one of the smaller and lighter bullets available, which allows the Colonial marksmen to carry more rounds and powder than one of our boys for the same amount of weight. The potential for these rifles to be abused by the insurrectionists in a manner inconsistent with civilized warfare is difficult to overstate. It is a known fact that the criminal known as The Swamp Fox has hundreds of these “long rifles” in his possession, and his men are well trained in their use. As recently noted at the Battle of Mingo Creek, our brave forces were barraged from all sides by fire from these deadly weapons, and their foe did not even have the courage to face them on an open field. England is in the midst of a Colonial Insurrection. The Colonial forces are arming themselves to the very teeth with these incredibly destructive weapons of war. It is time to regulate 50 calibre long rifles by bringing them under the control of the Crown, so that our soldiers can confiscate them from these Colonial criminals masquerading as soldiers.  By so doing, we will be able to bring a rapid end to this bloody insurrection that has divided the North American Colonies from their Sovereign.

So, needless to say, I was really surprised to read that, especially in the light of the modern incarnation of the VPC trying to ban 50 caliber rifles today.  I guess the more things change, the more they stay the same.  ;-)

Crossposted at What Would John Wayne Do?

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Friday Catblogging

I won’t do regular cat blogging because I don’t own a cat, and I think cat blogging is stupid, but I thought this was amusing and creative:

At first I thought maybe this was part of Ed Rendell’s new energy plan.  I think I could probably make a kid sized one that could solve the problem of childhood obesity.  If Ed wants to pass another new tax on fast food, I’d be happy to collect some tax grant money and get right to work on the problem!

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Mosin-Nagant Humor

I ran into this really amusing bit while looking for info about the Mosin-Nagant over at 7.62x54r.net. We’re all familiar with the AR vs. AK fights. Well, the die hard Nagant lovers think they have a leg up in that debate:

Stuff you know if you have an AK Stuff you know if you have an AR Stuff you know if you have a Mosin Nagant
It works though you have never cleaned it. Ever. You have $9 per ounce special non-detergent synthetic Teflon infused oil for cleaning. It was last cleaned in Berlin in 1945.
You are able to hit the broad side of a barn from inside. You are able to hit the broad side of a barn from 600 meters. You can hit the barn from two counties over.
Cheap mags are fun to buy. Cheap mags melt. What’s a mag?
Your safety can be heard from 300 meters away. You can silently flip off the safety with your finger on the trigger. What’s a safety?
Your rifle comes with a cheap nylon sling. Your rifle has a 9 point stealth tactical suspension system. You rifle has dog collars.
Your bayonet makes a good wire cutter. Your bayonet is actually a pretty good steak knife. Your bayonet is longer than your leg.
You can put a .30″ hole through 12″ of oak, if you can hit it. You can put one hole in a paper target at 100 meters with 30 rounds. You can knock down everyone else’s target with the shock wave of your bullet going downrange.
When out of ammo your rifle will nominally pass as a club. When out of ammo, your rifle makes a great wiffle bat. When out of ammo, your rifle makes a supreme war club, pike, boat oar, tent pole, or firewood.
Recoil is manageable, even fun. What’s recoil? Recoil is often used to relocated shoulders thrown out by the previous shot.
Your sight adjustment goes to “10”, and you’ve never bothered moving it. Your sight adjustment is incremented in fractions of minute of angle. Your sight adjustment goes to 12 miles and you’ve actually tried it.
Your rifle can be used by any two bit nation’s most illiterate conscripts to fight elite forces worldwide. Your rifle is used by elite forces worldwide to fight two bit nations’ most illiterate conscripts. Your rifle has fought against itself and won every time.
Your rifle won some revolutions. Your rifle won the Cold War. Your rifle won a pole vault event.
You paid $350. You paid $900. You paid $59.95.
You buy cheap ammo by the case. You lovingly reload precision crafted rounds one by one. You dig your ammo out of a farmer’s field in Ukraine and it works just fine.
You can intimidate your foe with the bayonet mounted. You foes laugh when you mount your bayonet. You can bayonet your foe on the other side of the river without leaving the comfort of your hole.
Service life, 50 years. Service life, 40 years. Service life, 100 years, and counting.
It’s easier to buy a new rifle when you want to change cartridge sizes. You can change cartridge sizes with the push of a couple of pins and a new upper. You believe no real man would dare risk the ridicule of his friends by suggesting there is anything but 7.62x54r.
You can repair your rifle with a big hammer and a swift kick. You can repair your rifle by taking it to a certified gunsmith, it’s under warranty! If your rifle breaks, you buy a new one.
You consider it a badge of honor when you get your handguards to burst into flames. You consider it a badge of honor when you shoot a sub-MOA 5 shot group. You consider it a badge of honor when you cycle 5 rounds without the aid of a 2×4.
After a long day the range you relax by watching “Red Dawn”. After a long day at the range you relax by watching “Blackhawk Down”. After a long day at the range you relax by visiting the chiropractor.
After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for a stiff shot of Vodka. After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for hotdogs and apple pie. After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for shishkabob.
You can accessorize you rifle with a new muzzle brake or a nice stock set. Your rifle’s accessories are eight times more valuable than your rifle. Your rifle’s accessory is a small tin can with a funny lid, but it’s buried under an apartment building somewhere in Budapest.
Your rifle’s finish is varnish and paint. Your rifle’s finish is Teflon and high tech polymers. Your rifle’s finish is low grade shellac, cosmoline and Olga’s toe nails.
Your wife tolerates your autographed framed picture of Mikhail Kalashnikov. Your wife tolerates your autographed framed picture of Eugene Stoner. You’re not sure there WERE cameras to photograph Sergei Mosin.
Late at night you sometimes have to fight the urge to hold your rifle over your head and shout “Wolverines!” Late at night you sometimes have to fight the urge to clear your house, slicing the pie from room to room. Late at night, you sometimes have to fight the urge to dig a fighting trench in the the yard to sleep in.
There you have it. In the end, it is clear to any open minded inquirer that the Mosin Nagant is the most superior weapon of all time, but the AR and the AK come out as a draw when compared side by side.

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